my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
