I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
