you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
