I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
