TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
