Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
