I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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