i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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