today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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