well I can't set my house on fire every night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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