I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
