Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
