My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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