I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
