i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
