Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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