The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
