The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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