sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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