When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
