The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
