speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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