omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
