Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
