I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
