I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
