he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
