Will you blow on my dice?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My pussy is not your playground.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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