Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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