Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Found your dick twin last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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