every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wear drunk well.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
