he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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