Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
