i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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