Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
