i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
