so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
