Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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