if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
