You can't special order awesome
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
