You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
