Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
