Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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