Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
