she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
