Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
