Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
