Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
