In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am spending my child support on dildos
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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