9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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