This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
