ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
