i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
