need another drink. this is the easiest way
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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