now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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