On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
