why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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