i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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