i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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